Trying to Let Go
by justagirl8225
Summary: Letting go is never easy... [Written as a challenge response for the LitaxRandy fic group. Complete.]


Title: Trying to Let Go  
Disclaimer: Well, I still have my pocket lint.. Vince still owns the persona's, people still own themselves... Nope, nothing has changed.  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Letting go is never easy.  
Author notes: Ignore anything current that the WWE is trying to pass for storylines. And ignore any real life situations. Also, this was written for a songfic challenge. Since songifcs aren't allowed, lyrics have been removed. But, if you'd like to read this in it's entirety, please e-mail me or check my updates list.

**-x-**

-Flashback-

He didn't know exactly where he was going at that moment, but at that moment, it didn't really matter. The landscape blurred into a nondescript blob, blue eyes staring straight ahead. His destination, as of yet, unknown. All he did know, was that he had to get away. Away from his well meaning friends, away from the pain and away from her. Not that he wanted it that way, but, that was what she wanted.

Right now, that was all she wanted from him.

She didn't want to hear his apology, didn't want to see his face. She didn't want him to touch her, didn't want him to even look at her. It was in compliance with those requests, that lead him to his current situation. Driving aimlessly along the coast, no clue to his destination. The circumstances under which he had left, still playing fresh in his mind. Images of her tearstained face burned deep within his heart.

His memory served as a cruel companion that day.

He kept on driving until he couldn't drive anymore. Until the road ended, coming to a familiar stop. An all too familiar stop. This place, perhaps he had meant to come here, to remind him of what he had...What he had yesterday but not today. This picturesque place, a cliff, overlooking the Pacific ocean. Together, they had learned, it was the perfect spot to watch the sun dip below the horizon. Almost perfect from the spot his car was parked, but perfect from the beach.

But, even that wouldn't be perfect this day.

Something just wasn't right as he got out of his car. The view was still perfect, the beach in all of its natural glory, was still perfect. Here, surrounded by the untainted perfection of nature, it still wasn't perfect. He was not perfect and he knew that. He never claimed to be truly perfect, close enough, but not quite. But, that wasn't the source of the problem. And as he settled on the sand, reliazation hit him as hard as the waves hit the rocks a few feet away.

Without her, this usually perfect view, just wouldn't measure up.

-End Flashback-

**-x-**

Two years later, he found himself back at the cliff overlooking the Pacific ocean. His car had chased the setting sun, arriving just in time. He had made it, back to that spot of sand, to watch the departing sun. And it was yet another sunset he would watch, without her. One added to the countless number, each one reminding him of what he could have had. Because it was something they did together. It was something they had shared, no matter where they were. When the time would allow in their abnormal world, they would slip away. If only for that moment, and if only for that sunset.

It was one of those things that gave them some sense of normalcy.

Idly, he wondered, if she still watched the sunset. And if she did, he wondered if she too, was alone. A part of him knew that wasn't the case, but it was nice to entertain the thought anyway. It gave him something to hold on to, even though he knew, he should let go. Even though their time had slipped away, he still held on. If that made him a glutton for punishment, then so be it. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't let go of her completely. He knew, he would never be able to. Despite the fact that she wasn't with him physically, she would always be there.

She would always be in his heart.

A painful reminder, without a doubt, but also a source of comfort. Something he turned to and something he shunned. Someone he could never forget, even if he wanted to. Because even now, two years later, he still loved her. Even though she wanted nothing to do with him, he still wanted her. Even when he brought another woman back to his hotel room, he still wanted her. Her laughter still echoed in his ears, her voice still caressed his soul. And the anguished cry that escaped her, two years ago, still rang through the chambers of his heart. A constant reminder of what he had done and what he had lost.

His memories were a cruel companion that day, too.

He closed his eyes and saw her face, always smiling, because that was how he wanted to remember her. He didn't want to remember her tears, he didn't want to remember her anger. He didn't want to remember her pain. But he did remember and he remembered all too well. He had been the source of those tears that day and he had been the root of her anger. He had been the cause of her pain. He had thrown it all away, watched it slip through his fingers, like sand through an hourglass. He had her and then he lost her. A relationship that had made them both feel more alive, a love they had both been looking for. And then, just like that, it was gone.

And he had only himself to blame.

**-x-**

-Flashback-

He had asked her for another chance. A chance to repair what was broken, a chance to save what would be lost. By some miracle above, she had granted him that one chance. To right his wrongs, correct the mistakes that had been made. Perhaps it had been foolish of her or perhaps she hadn't been ready to let go either. Her friends had warned her, advised her against it. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Once a liar, always a liar. To them, he was unworthy of another chance. To them, he deserved no chance to redeem himself in her eyes. But, she had thought otherwise. For the most part, he respected her friends and he got along with her friends. But, her friends opinions really didn't make a difference in the grand scheme of things.

Or so he had thought.

They had been back together for a week, if that, when her friends started voicing their concerns. At first, it had been subtle and he had brushed it off to nothing. But, as the days passed, their concerns grew. While they weren't trying to outright sabotage the relationship, they were planting and cultivating the seeds of doubt. Seeds that he had sown, but seeds that they were taking over. For a little while, she had been immune, giving him the benefit of the doubt. All she had been concerned over, was rebuilding their relationship. Her friends questioned that, both to her face and behind her back. The only consistency about it, was that he was always around to hear it. What sort of 'good' that was going to accomplish, he wasn't exactly sure. Things were okay where they needed to be okay.  
There was no way things could go wrong now.

But, things did go wrong and this time, he didn't know if there would be a next time.

This time, it hadn't been entirely his fault. This time, both parties held equal blame. That meant, double the damage to a relationship unprepared for such an onslaught. And while they had both been at fault, one heart was just too jaded. Walls that had been torn down were rebuilt. Rebuilt to withstand anything, rebuilt specifically to resist him. Because where he had thought there was no damage, her friends had played a crucial role. Her friends had convinced her and he wasn't sure if he would be able to win her back. At that time, he wasn't sure if he wanted to. He had felt her pain, felt her betrayal and felt her vulnerability.

He had never planned on that and thus, did not know how to deal with it.

-End Flashback-

**-x-**

It took some time for those scars to heal. Longer for her, he supposed, but he didn't really know. That time, they both sought distance and space. They both wanted nothing to do with the other. And then, it had been okay, because it had been mutual. But it was hard to deny the feelings that lingered. And hard as it had been for them to fall in love, it was that much harder to fall out. Her ever reliable friends had been there for her and his well meaning friends had been there for him. That time around, they were both trying to let go.

In time, she had moved on.

Quite literally, as he thought about it now. After their second break up, she had taken off. Not permanently, just for a little while, to clear her mind. What she hadn't told people, was the other purpose of her vacation. Not only to clear her mind, but an attempt to erase him from her heart. Or so he had heard from a friend of a friend. Truth be told, he didn't know where she had gone, nor did he know when she would be back. At this point in time, he wasn't sure if wanted to know. He missed her, still he missed her. Loved her, yes, he still loved her. The pain had subsided and his wounds had healed. He imagined that perhaps, hers had to. But, since he didn't know where she was and since he had no way of knowing. He was left in the dark.

The dark, he had learned, wasn't that bad.

He had come to embrace it, adapt to it. But that didn't mean he had to like it, nor did he enjoy every minute of it. His thoughts, no matter how he tried, always went back to her. Her face, no matter how he tried to forget, was always in his mind. She would always be with him, even when she wasn't with him. A part of her would eternally be a part of him. Unknowningly, perhaps, she had left a piece of her heart behind. And unknowingly, perhaps, she had taken a piece of his. No matter where they drifted, they would always be together, in some form. Just not physically. That brought him some comfort as he stood, dusting the sand from his pants.

But it did nothing to fill the void she left behind.

Her voice would continue to echo in his ears, the scent of her perfume would continue to haunt him. Everything about her, consumed him, even though she wasn't there. If he could, turn back time, he would correct the mistakes that had been made. The reality of it, was he couldn't. The reality of it, was that he had made those mistakes. That she had made a mistake. The reality of it was that he was standing on a beach, overlooking the Pacific ocean without her.

Maybe it was time to let go, completely let go, leave it all behind.

_"I thought you might be here.."_

It was all in his mind.

_"This was our spot, after all."_

It sounded so real.

_"I met someone, while I was away."_

It all felt, so real.

_"Crazy fool, he thinks he loves me."_

He dared to turn around, guarded blue eyes meeting hazel.

"But, something just isn't right.."

"Lita."

She wrapped her arms around her waist, "It's been awhile, Randy."

And he nodded, remaining where he was. Searching for the right words to say, but coming up short.

Maybe there would be another chance for them. Two people, who without each other, would always remain...

Incomplete


End file.
